Wild Heart

On June 23rd 2014, our son Nolan came into our lives and all was well. Easy delivery, painless recovery and a healthy baby. I was so thankful. I was managing two children like it was nothing different than one. Little did we know, in our seemingly perfect now family of four, the next year would be the most challenging one we had ever experienced in our lives.

At around 7 days old Nolan began crying more than 16 hours a day, not feeding well and generally pushing me to my limits. His pediatrician appointments went as expected and of course were the only times he decided not to cry inconsolably. Colic? Maybe that’s it. I could usually get him to stop with bouncing and dancing around the house with him. Unfortunately my simple theory of colic quickly came crashing down.

It was a Sunday morning, we were scheduled for photos with the most amazing photographer. And I was all but photo ready. As I held Nolan after one of his terrible five minutes nursing sessions, something seemed different. The irritated cry I had been hearing now seemed to be one of excruciating pain. And it didn’t stop. My husband placed him in the bath as I suggested to see if that would help calm him. And then I saw it, his lips were blue, something was wrong. We called my mother to watch Knox and rushed him to the hospital.

Nothing was making sense as I clutched to him in my arms in the backseat. In theory, an ambulance would have been a good idea. But after nights of being up and the fear of his current condition, clear thoughts were not running through our heads. We figured we could make the fifteen minute drive in ten, and we did.

When we arrived Nolan’s hearts rate was 320 and he was in supraventricular tachycardia. Cue my immediate mental break down. Multiple attempts at an IV were unsuccessful and they were not able to administer the life saving medication to break the arrhythmia for some time ( probably only 30 minutes but for me it felt like an eternity). When they had IV access they whisked his tiny, fragile body away from us into a resuscitation room. At that moment I felt so many powerful emotions. Self doubt. Why didn’t I know? I am a Nurse Practitioner after all. Worry. What will this mean for the rest of his life? Fear. What if he doesn’t live? How could God take away something that he just gave to us? Brought to our knees in the hallway of an ER, my husband and I cried, and we prayed.

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We spent 7 days in the hospital and Nolan’s heart was converted too many times to count with adenosine before they would fine the correct oral medications to normalize his little wild heart. He went home on three different medications to control him. He was the most difficult baby, and with every cry I questioned, is he in an arrhythmia or is he just being a baby, is it teeth, reflux, gas? Even a simple car trip left me so anxious and when he cried, I cried. Which was a lot.

The doctors reassured me at his follow ups, that his type of arrhythmia was something he would likely grow out of, and he did. We weaned medications per protocol and when Nolan turned one he was off all the medications. We were so very thankful.

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Today, he is a wild, intelligent, almost four year old little fire ball. He excels at whatever he puts his mind to. He is a tornado..literally. I am so excited to see what the future holds for Nolan. So for the mothers and fathers out there that are going through something with your child, I feel you. I know the pain, the uncertainly, the fear. But when you’re through your storm, I pray you can look back with peace on everything that happened. And I pray that your babies are healed and continue to grow into beautiful little people.
Xoxo

 

 

Perfectly Imperfect

Scars…stretch marks…sagging skin. Are these features which we often look in the mirror and see unattractive attributes of child bearing and aging, or beautiful reminders of the journey our bodies have taken? I guess it all depends on your perception.

Within five years my body had gained and lost over 100 pounds. I lost a pregnancy… I nursed three babies and they grew from my milk. My body was stretched, worn, and towards the end of my pregnancies I could barely walk from pubic pain and the wear and tear the boys did to me. After it was all said and done,  I was left with a relatively deflated version of my prior perky modelesque figure, with various adornments of aging and reminders of the travels my body had been through.

Do I choose to love this body I have been given? Absolutely!

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( UNFILTERED: SCARS OF MY BATTLES)

I have found that the more positive you are about yourself, the happier you will be in life. We all have imperfections. Yes, some can be changed, but for the things we cannot change, we have to learn to be at peace.

For me I find peace with my scars in the eyes of three beautiful little boys. I find joy in the best years that are yet to come. I gain confidence from the strength that my body has  been through what it has been through and came out on the flip side relatively healthy. My best advice, find the things in life that lift you up, boost your confidence and make you feel beautiful and don’t feel ashamed to treat yourself! And most importantly, give yourself some love, for we are all our own worst critics.

xoxo

Katelyn

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Surviving…#boymom

It’s five am. As I roll over in bed, thinking of the tens of thousands of things I need to accomplish in the next twelve hours, a little sleepy child wanders to my bedside. “Mommy I’m hungry”. I haven’t slept much in the past five years. In fact there’s more nights than not that some tiny human is causing an interruption in my natural circadian rhythm. I can’t remember the last time I actually had a dream. Can anyone relate to that?

I am a mother to three. Knox, my oldest is five. He is a gentle giant, the sweetest spirit. Nolan is the middle, he is three. There will be more blog posts about Nolan to come. He’s really that interesting. 100% boy, 100% wild child. Nash is one. Probably forever the baby of the bunch as I am inevitability cut off from further child baring by my sweet husband and the fact that it would absolutely asinine to have another for us right now.

(NASH , NOLAN AKA HEARTBREAKER, KNOX)

Boys are wild. It’s true what they say. Balancing them, a career away from home, owning a boutique and various other jobs is somewhat challenging. I would like to share with you some helpful tips that get me through the days, and help me enjoy them to their up most potential (while not going completely insane).

1. Enjoy the great outdoors. Sometimes you have to put the chores aside and just take you kids outside! I find it’s an excellent way to pass the time until my better half arrives in the door and I frantically give him responsibility of whichever child is behaving the worst at that moment. Plus, there’s always something inviting to them about a treasure hunt or a make believe game outside. There’s also always something dangerous. But, if you’re lucky enough not to have any near death experiences, the great outdoors provides a refuge to slow down, get some fresh air and listen to the sounds of nature (aka wild boys screaming to the top of their lungs).

2. Have patience…and pray. If there is anything these boys have taught me, it is patience. When I lose it and yell, I typically feel terrible afterwards. Sometimes it’s so they can hear me, as I often feel their little ears have a mute button to my voice which they can only seem to hear at the same decibel as a jet plane. I honestly do deep breathing from time to time to keep from loosing it. It particulalary gets under my skin when their crimes involve them hurting each other or urinating on things (#boymom)…Whatever your outlet is, tap into that and hopefully it can help you keep your momma bear outbursts to a minimum. Because let us be honest, we all have them, and they aren’t pretty!

And pray. Thank heavens for the good Lord above. Because sometimes tiny males have a way of doing things that are so unimaginable, you just have to bow your head and say “Dear Jesus, please help me calm it down a notch before I go crazy on them.” I’m not quite sure if that is the best way to say my prayers but Jesus doesn’t judge and He’s always listening so He gets a random variety from me.

3. Let them be little. One day when Nolan was having an irrational tantrum, I found myself responding “Nolan, you’re acting like a little baby!!!”. Ensue more tears. Surely that wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but being transparent here, it’s not the worst I’ve ever said either. But it hit me in the chest to hear the words come from my mouth, he IS a baby. Three is a tough age. I like to compare the tantrums and outbursts to an inconsolable teenage girl on her cycle. Refer back to tip two to survive the threenager.

In summary, love on those babies. You don’t need an elaborate schedule, planner, meal prepping, or overly structured life to raise them right (although if you have all those things, you’re doing an amazing job, and I applaud you!!). I hope through writing I am relatable to someone out there struggling to rock this mom job. Hold on tight momma’s it’s a wild ride, but we are in this together!

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Until next time,

xoxo

Katelyn

My Journey with Agnes & Dora

I am a Nurse Practitioner and a mom of three boys. Needless to say, life is busy. My life at home is filled with cuts, bruises, dirty hands and plenty of other boyish things. At work I care for women of all ages and throughout pregnancy.

I joined Agnes & Dora because I loved the clothes and saw the huge opportunity for growth in this business. If you’re like me, with a busy schedule and limited time in the day, shopping online is the only way to go! Agnes & Dora provides me my fashion outlet. Beautiful, quality clothes that make you feel gorgeous…they’re a total win in my book. My goal in all of this is to help other women feel beautiful and confident and to have the flexibility to spend more time with my boys.

I can’t wait to share more with you all!

SHOP HERE

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(My youngest son Nash and I)